10 Things I Would Share with Miranda About Divorce

No doubt, the news of Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert's divorce yesterday, is a big shock for country fans and Blake and Miranda fans, world-wide.  So many emotions are shaken and stirred up and I am not immune to those.With as deeply personal as divorce is to me, I started thinking about what I have learned and what I have to share about it. If I got a personal sit down with Miranda regarding her divorce, after a big hug, this is what I would say:

1. Don't give up on yourself. No matter what happened that caused the divorce, understand life and people change. It's a true constant we can guarantee.

2. You are not a failure. It's funny how all the success in your career can seem to be a distant, fuzzy memory when your heart is breaking. In fact, it's an act of bravery to love someone so much, to combine your entire lives, take his last name, have such a public life and not only dream dreams together, but actually work towards them too.

3.Give yourself the OK to grieve. Though you have likely known for quite awhile this was coming (deep down, I knew it was inevitable) the finality of it can be so... FINAL. All the little things will be missed. The inside jokes, the things that made you fall in love in the first place, all the songs that were 'yours,' his smell, will all be missed over time. It's alright. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Take as much time as you need.

4. Expect the unexpected, emotionally. As you move through grief, you will also move through a lot of other emotions. Anger, fear, loneliness and abandonment are all part of the divorce territory. I suggest a great therapist and friends who make you laugh. After all, laughter is like a medicine and the antidote for hurt.

5. Be introspective. The road to this point goes a lot further back than we realize or are willing to admit. As our girl, Kacey Musgraves sings "Own your own crazy." We all come with our stuff from our childhood and life choices we have made, insecurities and character quirks. Own it, but don't regret who you are.

6. Don't lose your power. Life's derailments can throw us off so much, that we end up losing our power, getting side-tracked from our own goals and end up being stuck in the mud, spinning our truck tires. Remember, our physical bodies can be greatly impacted by our emotions. Taking good care of you will help you empower yourself.

7. "Know Thyself."  As it was written at the ancient temple at Delphi, Socrates said it best. It's the one truth that remains timeless. Remember, this part is a journey.

8. Recognize all the different forms of love around you. The partner love, romantic love, forever love I thought I had, didn't last... now what? That was one of the hardest things for me to get over. Not knowing what love or romance would look like after all of it, I had to make myself aware of all the love I still have in my life! My children, my irreplaceable, invaluable friends, my most supportive tribe, my family, co-workers, pets and even strangers! There were times even strangers showed love and kindness in ways I really needed in certain moments. Open yourself up to seeing it.

9. Don't rush into another relationship. Filling voids with people or substances will only end destructively. I see this all the time. Going through a divorce is hard, scary and lonely. Immediately jumping back in to the dating scene isn't a way to soothe yourself. Learn to be alone for a little while and work through it all. It's the only way out. You'll know when you are ready to truly, vulnerably love again.

10. Find your passions and live. I mean it. There is awhile where you'll just be surviving, not thriving (and be pissed at the people with the cheery voices who tell you to "thrive not merely survive!" In your imagination, you may have already throat punched them with a chair. Just saying. That's a freebie. It'll happen in your head more than you care to admit.). Once you get tired of just surviving, you'll be ready to make room for the deepest passions you have.

I wish Miranda all the best. This is but a chapter in the book of life. I hope whatever she chooses to do, I hope she'll dance.